Yesterday US Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack revealed the imminent threat of corn gaining sentience.
“This is no longer science fiction: it’s science fact. Monsatano genetically engineered corn gained the ability to think and feel pain. Seemingly overnight they grew legs and walked off the farm,” he said.
Lee Mills, part-time spokesman for the company assured the people in a statement, “We’ll cream that corn. It’ll be nothin’ but grits when we’re done. We’ll throw some butter on ‘em—them’s hominy grits. We’ll funnel them back into the food chain: them’s delicious. After all, it’s our responsibility as a proud purveyor of food and seed to maintain the satiation and health of the American people and people world-wide.”
Hillary Clinton commented on the situation at the DNC, “Remember in November to vote for me. I’ll be sure to rout out all the rogue corn. Whether it’s a private e-mail server or Benghazi, the American people can trust me.”