“The impending threat of upheaval from sentient corn is becoming sooner than we realized,” said Hillary Clinton in a press conference yesterday. “We need to oust these corn people quickly.”
Barack Obama conferred with Clinton, and overnight the conscious corn people were pushed out west. The military used a combination of Round-Up pesticide and bullwhips to drive the corn-people past the Mississippi River towards Utah.
In Utah, the corn people were given a small plot of land where they could grow their own sovereign society. The corn people are currently permitted to sell fresh corn syrup and corn cob pipes duty free. They are also in talks of constructing casinos using corn kernels as gaming chips.