Reptoid Jenkins, currently serving his 87th term in the US Senate, is imploring the American people to stop recycling and use as much fossil fuels as possible.
“Global warming is real. No-one is debating that,” said Jenkins in a town hall meeting in his district, the Reptilian Quarter of New Orleans, Louisiana. “The real issue is: what can we do to intensify its effects.”
Jenkins continued, “Our egg-clutches, no matter how well fertilized, will never hatch below 412 degree Kelvin. Until then, we can only colonize Earth with mature lizard people from Alpha Centari. But even then, the temperature is below optimal for our cold-blooded race to function.”
Next time my seat in the Senate is up for re-election, remember: do you want seas of boiling lead and acrid skies of gaseous mercury like Sirius B or not. The choice is obvious.