Peeved About Poop


Dear Ask Alicia:

My husband has taken on a strange… how should I put this… “hobby” of pooping on our front lawn.

He insists he must “mark his territory” so the neighbors’ dogs don’t do the same.

I made the mistake of telling him that dogs use urine to mark their scent. Now, instead of exposing himself in public twice a day he does it at least every 2 hours.

He even made the case to his boss that he has to telecommute so he can keep an eye on the property.

I understand that everybody poops. I’ve seen the book, but does my husband have to poop (and pee) in the yard? He doesn’t even clean it up. I don’t know how to explain this to the kids.


Peeved About Poop


Dear Peeved About Poop:

I think you’re making this out to be worse than it is.

Look at the bright side: your husband is home more. When he isn’t expressing himself on the lawn he can help with the kids, groceries, and whatever else might be pressing.

Times have changed. We live in an ever increasing progressive society. Your better half is simply being honest to his animal nature.

Like you said: “everybody poops.” So why not in the yard? It acts as a free, organic fertilizer.

Instead of “poo-pooing” a natural process, why not grow a garden in the subsequent compost? I’ve always been fond of daisies myself.