Dear Ask Alicia:
Our family accountant is getting older. We remained faithful to him the last several tax seasons even though we were audited twice.
We were happy that he wanted to start filing early so we could get a second opinion. Of course, we didn’t tell him that.
But some items were really out there. He claimed our dependents were the Hardy Boys, that we had a summer home on the dark side of the moon, and wanted to deduct a donation to some organization called Ducks Without Borders.
We knew something was really odd when he wrote in the margins requesting our tax refund be in jelly beans.
We don’t want this man’s help anymore. We don’t know how to break it to him. My wife suggested that maybe he was doing a lousy job because he was bitter, but she doesn’t know why.
What should we do?
Taxed About Accountant
Dear Taxed About Accountant:
Your accountant is a genius. Not only should you give him a raise, but you should frame a copy of that tax statement and hang it on the wall.
The IRS will come down on you if you outright lie, but if you or someone on your behalf is sarcastic it’s not technically perjury.
Believe me, they’re jobs are so boring and monotonous they look forward to asinine attempts at humor.
I’m sure they’ll even give you some kind of award. Say, the Medal of Honor or something.