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Undone By Undercooked

askAliciaRawFood_pigHead_cropped

Dear Ask Alicia:

My wife is an odd cook.

Lately she has been making chicken tartare and pork ceviche.

I often tell her that we can get very sick eating raw chicken and pork; that we can contract salmonella and possibly trichinosis worms. But she insists that these dishes are a delicacy even though she won’t eat them herself (she’s a vegan).

What’s particularly suspicious is that she only serves these types of meals after we discuss having children. She maintains that her biological clock is ticking, but I contend that the economy is really bad and that we can’t support any kids right now.

She eventually comes around and agrees with me, profusely apologizing for bringing the subject up so often. She typically follows up every argument with the aforementioned food as an apology.

But, as I said, I don’t want to get sick. I’ve secretly been disposing the raw food in a houseplant.

How should I approach this situation?

Sincerely,

Undone By Undercooked

 

Dear Undone By Undercooked:

I’ll be blunt: I find your behavior unacceptable. Not only are you being rude to your spouse, you are doing yourself a disservice.

You’ve undoubtedly heard the phrase “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? Just imagine how resilient your immune system will become after eating these meals.

Take the common cold, for example. You initially get sick. Your body fights off the illness and becomes that much stronger.

Now imagine suffering a near-death experience, slipping into a coma or succumbing to a severe fever from eating raw poultry or pork. If you survive, you will be that much tougher.

Just look at nature: lions and bears never cook their food. You’ve never seen an eagle or puma sauté their prey. When’s the last time you saw a great white shark barbeque a seal?

Never.

These animals are at the top of the food chain. I’ve never heard of a wolf complaining about an under cooked pig. Why should you?

It’s time to get tough. Here’s your opportunity.