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NY Times: Russia Meddled With Pres’ Sandwich

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Donald Trump

 

The New York Times is alleging that Russia meddled with President Trump’s sandwich.

His Reuben reportedly had excessive amounts of Russian dressing and it was stacked sky high with corned beef.

The New York Times’ editorial page editor James Bennet staked out Katz’s Delicatessen on the Lower East Side of Manhattan on a report that Trump was craving what he claimed was “classic American fare” upon returning from his trip to Asia. However, Bennet asserts that the sandwich was excessively larger than the usual portion served at the deli.

Upon further digging, Bennet discovered that there is a bus boy from the former Soviet controlled country Estonia. “He rotates weekend shifts between the deli and working as a Hello Kitty mascot in Times Square on the weekends,” he said. “You see, it’s too perfect: the dressing, the busboy. They’re connected,” he continued.

“So, here we are: the average American eating lean sandwiches and trying to make ends meet; and there’s Trump gorging himself at the cost of the States’ democracy,” he said.