Monsanto Transmutes Corn



Monsanto researchers have accomplished what medieval alchemists had long sought to do but never actually attained. They made gold from lesser elements.

However, instead of transmuting lead, the scientists stumbled across a genetic sequence in modified corn. The corn had undergone extensive DNA changes via retro-viruses wielding segments of a specialized yeast bacterium in an attempt to make a yellower kernel. This bacterium was initially obtained in the Amazon in Peru.

The result was a crop consisting of solid gold that was also resistant to the company’s Roundup herbicide.

Monsanto was quick to apply for patents on the corn’s genetic sequence. They sent dockets to the United States, the European Union, and to the United Nations this past Tuesday.